Wow. I go away for a couple of weeks and look what happens...

• England actually win a game quite convincingly. AND an Arsenal player actually scores for England. In fact, he scores a hat-trick! When did that last happen?!
• Arsenal shake off their early season loss at Fulham and start getting their shooting boots on. A hat-trick from Adebayor on Saturday was nice to see. The vultures are currently on vacation.
• The football hierarchy has taken another turn for the worse, with another money-bags owner rolling up in his Rolls. This time it's Man City's turn to take over the world. Would you Adam'n'Eve it. Football's eternal losers might actually become world football's super power. Quite astonishing.
• Newcastle and Keggers have parted company yet again. And you have to feel a bit sorry for the fans...

Not sure if I've been too long in the sun today, but I swear I haven't touched any alcohol. Just feeling a little nauseous, and I'm not sure if this picture has anything to do with it...

A strange signing, I think. OK, defensive cover is good, and he has plenty of experience, but I'm finding it hard to get excited by a guy I used to ridicule when bantering with my Man United mates. And, to be honest, a 2 year deal for a player with a manky leg, already 31, seems to be a kick in the face for past legends such as Dennis or Bobby Pires, who were always only offered 1 year deals because they had reached 30+. Not too sure, but might need to have a beer or 3 to dilute this further. Glug, glug...

Scorching sunshine and beers are OK. Dinking your toes in the Med is OK. Caving in to the demands of a seemingly mercenarious (sounds proper, dunnit?) buggar, not OK. Hmmm. Adebayor has a lot of brown nosing and scoring to do in the next few weeks/months.

Anyway, what with the strike force seemingly in good shape, Arsene has to turn his attention to midfield. One good signing and we're done. With stories flying around last week that Rafa over at The Pool took no part in discussions between Xavi Alonso and Arsenal, Rafa perhaps revealed more than he intended. Or maybe not. But it does look that Arsene is seriously interested, if only he could will his spendthrift (ahem...) fingers to wrap around that pen to sign a big, fat cheque...

And do we think Alonso would be a good buy? Well, yes. Actually a very decent one. He's got some decent Premiership experience behind him, has just won the European Championship with Spain and seems ready for a new challenge. Let's not forget he always seemed to play fairly decently against the Arse, and from what I remember had a bit of grit to some of his challenges. Could be just what the doctor ordered. And of course, his other 'alf seems OK, always an important point to mention. So come on over Chubby, the water's lovely.

It was just too hot yesterday, so I didn't risk burning my lily-white buttocks out in the midday sun. I hid away in the living room, while the kids and wife were banished for a couple of hours while Arsenal took on West Brom. Yep, the lack of beer-like substances was a problem, but don't worry, this place is never alcohol-free for too long.

The game itself wasn't bad. I thought Arsenal started very well, and there was some good stuff from most of the lads, including Bendtner, Denilson, and Nasri, who slotted home what turned out to be the winner and played a couple of killer passes. Hleb? Who? He does look like he could fit in very nicely with the Arsenal style of play. Have to agree partly with Arsene, because I'm not sure that the lads were always in control. I have to say that on a couple of occasions, their young No.10 Miller, built like a brick shithouse, looked very handy and potentially game-winning.

But there was a feeling of deja vu, that the end of last season, and failures to really kill off games, was still lingering around. Perhaps Cesc's abscence was a crucial factor, who knows? But fuck it, it's 3 points on the board, that's 3 more than either Chelski or Man United. And United have Newcastle later today, so a good chance of stealing an early lead. Yeh riiiiight. Newcastle=Man United's bitch. Every bleedin' season.

Yep, that glorious morning that comes round once a year...the start of the footie season proper. Arsenal host newly promoted West Brom and actually launch the Premiership season with the early kick-off, and should be strong enough to get a decent win and a nice 3 points to kick off the season.

I'm trying to convince the wife and the littluns to get out of the house for a couple of hours as there's no chance of me getting to a pub to see this one. The beers, ah the beers...well, they would have been nice n'cold, waiting for me in the fridge, but I met up with a guy from Oz last night and he helped wiped out my reserves, the bastard.

It's goodbye to another English lad as Justin moves to Middlesboro. Quite surprising, if you ask me, as the defence isn't exactly bulging at the seams with an excess of experienced staff. Perhaps an indication that another signing, a defensive one, is on the way?

Anyway, looking forward to this afternoon, come on lads!

The new season kicks off tomorrow, oh my goodness. It's been a long summer holiday, isn't it always, but it's that time of year again. That time when the missus gets to go visit her folks, the kids get banished from sight, and my right bicep starts working overtime. That's right, it works extra hard as I drag the extremely heavy pint of beery goodness from the table to my lips...hopefully I'll be catching the Arse live on TV somewhere, either at home or in a cosy pub, but the beer will be the one constant, wherever the game.

I'm optimistic that this season will be another entertaining one from Arsene and the boys, whatever the doubters might say. A nice Champs League run will do me nicely, a challenge for the FA Cup and a good shot at the title, and I think most will be happy. Obviously some will call for the head of Arsene if we go trophyless for a fourth season and some of our leading lights might get restless, but fuck it, the club is always bigger than the players. Losing players like Cesc will be a big big blow but just last season we were apparently doomed to mid-table mediocrity after Thierry left and look what a season we had.

I say bring it on baby, bring it on.

I think the result is what's important. Arsenal playing away in Holland against an Umbrella-Boy led team, it had the potential to be problematic. So well done lads on a good, solid performance that makes the return leg at the Emirates a little easier.

This result probably hasn't swayed many, but I think there are too many Gooners getting a little too worried about what's going on this summer, in respect to the apparent lack of quality summer signings. Something's going down behind the scenes, I think it's a fairly safe bet. The summer still ain't over; don't worry, somebody (anybody!) will come and snap up Eboue...

Fat Frank now the highest earner in the Premiership? That sure buys a lot of Mars bars. Did I ever tell you about the time I shared a lift with him in a Tel Aviv hotel? Should have stamped on the buggar's foot when I had the chance. And Mourinho, keep your mouth shut, you twat...

Aye, another scorcher this morning. I'm in my leopard skin thong and sweating like a pig, and it's still only 8.20 in the morning...at least the jellyfish have disappeared, looks like they've shimmied themselves all the way over to the UK coast...

It looks like a certain Mr Berbatov could finally be on his way to Man United in the next few hours. And, as I utter this through gritted teeth, this move is likely to make Man United just that little bit stronger. Berbatov is a classy player, let's face it, way too classy for a club like Spurs. And he could be enough to help Man United steal the show yet again this year.

Don't get me wrong, as a Gooner I'm usually optimistic, and the lads will be there fighting for it, of that I'm sure, but Man United's strength in-depth is what makes the difference. They didn't need to go out and splash the cash. None of their regular first-team squad left (despite constant press-mongering from those fuckers over at Madrid), so they will be strong yet again this year. Ditto for Chelsea, who have actually strengthened without losing stars too. But no, I'm not going to launch into a tirade about why Arsene should go and open those purse strings. We all know he should, let's leave it at that. Let's just hope that if Berbatov does actually join Man United, then it will spark off a tumultuous Premiership summer spending spree that will see Arsenal get a couple of decent, experienced players (and perhaps see a taker for Eboue? Please...). Please Arsene, no more 17 year old starlets.

Anyway, tonight it really kicks off for Arsenal. Could be a little bit tougher than we are probably anticipating, and without a few regulars, including Toure, Cesc and Senderos. Perhaps a little something to come from some of the youngsters? Jack is there, Aaron and Carlos too. Looking forward to it, though not sure if I'll be able to catch the game live.

Aahhh, footie, it's back!

As the sun beats down yet again and beads of perspiration shimmer on my forehead, and, God forbid, the once cold beer has now turned lukewarm, it's time again for some footie talk.

Spotted this article yesterday, about a wee Marc Overmars making a comeback. Has it really been 8 years since he was last at Arsenal? I remember some mighty fine moments from him, including the one below. But getting 25 mill for him was a bit of genius on the part of Arsene. Because once you leave the Arse, it's only downhill I'm afraid.

Boring articles like this, which have been two-a-penny over the last couple of years, already suggest the title is going to Man United or Chelsea. Yawwwwwn...

Time for another beer. Waitress!

Oh crikey, is it that time of year already? And there I was, soaking up some rays, sipping my lager while carefully studying the eye candy strolling past...and then I realised that not everybody is fortunate enough to live next to the Med, some people have to work for a living. Like those poorly paid Premiership players, for example. Bless 'em, let's not get them jealous with tales of sun-soaked fun.

Anyway, as the Med gently laps at my toes, yesterday saw the annual Charity Shield bash, this year it was Man United v Portsmouth. Now I know why the start of the season almost passed me by...hardly the most appetising game possible, right? So, who won? Does anyone really care, apart from a few Man United fans who will go on and on and on (mentioning no names here) about this being another trophy-laden season...the bastards. And talking of bastards, this little story of a possible Henry return to UK shores is a little hard to take. My beer suddenly doesn't taste quite as good...

With an important Champs League qualifier in mid-week, Arsenal are looking reasonable, even if it means we have to take the badge kissing antics of a certain Adebayor. He's still top-class, even if he still misses sitters. And who else out there is available, within Arsene's price range? Exactly.

This weekend also saw the start of the lower leagues (all those not privileged with celebrity Premiership status), including my homeboys, Eastbourne Borough, who are bidding for entry into the League - this season they are in the Conference (now the Blue Square Premier) for the first time in their history. Unfortunately, even with the ancestors sent to bang the drums and spit at the ref, they blew it and lost 1-0 at home to Rushden and Diamonds.

Time for another beer. More tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow, this blog is back in business!

Yep, it's good to be back.

So, in a quick recap of a very boring summer (roll on next summer's World Cup) the Arse have gone and sold their skipper Paddy to those pesky Juve's. So bleedin' what? Like I mentioned before, the first whiff of transfer talk and I was quite prepared to fork out for a one-way ticket. The speed at which the whole business was conducted meant I didn't even have time to sell my Manure shares to finance a flight to sunny parts of the Med...only kidding about the Manure shares...

Anyway, a new season is already under way. The Arse have managed to lose twice to Frogba already, and Senderos has been banished to obscurity for a while...but way to go Pascal, none of us, and I mean none of us, thought you had it in you. 2 goals in the same game? Had to rub my eyes upon reading that onscreen.

The doubters had begun to congregate after Sunday's defeat to Chelski and Frogba's big girlie shinpad but for chrissake, you have to give the boys a chance. They will deliver again this season, probably not in the Champions League, despite today's kind draw, but they won't suddenly drop to mid-table. It just ain't in their Franco-Espagne genes.

Last night's victory over Fulham has banished a few of those doubters to the hills, but another couple of poor performances and they'll be back. The feckers. All I have to say to them is: think back to the period 1982-83 to 1987-88. Now let's take a look at our final league positions for those seasons: 10th, 6th, 7th, 7th, 4th, and 6th. Yes, one top five finish in 6 seasons. Pretty hopeless. Now say Thank You Arsene, Thierry et al, and leave them to get on with it.

Thank you for listening.

...sitting in my corridor-land seat at 8am...unbelievable. These 6 o'clock wake-up calls are killing me...

Well, it's been a long, hard season, punctured by an end of the season move to smallsville, the town that everybody loves to hate. After last night's marathon "Battle of the Bands" session, where 14 year old kids rapped the whole town to sleep, I'm beginning to see the reasons for the hatred...the noisy little bastards.

As for Arsenal's season, it ended on a high on Saturday but had promised so much more back in August. OK, so a new record was set for games unbeaten, but from the moment that run was broken (by Manure back in October), it took a good few months until the Arsenal of old appeared. In that time 'off', Chelski managed to build up a good head of steam and that was that.

I'm very pleased that some of the youngsters have come through, especially Senderos and Fabregas, but it will take a good signing or two to convince me that Arsenal might actually be able to get somewhere in the Champions League next season. Let's face it, this is the real prize we'd all love to see Arsenal catch, or at least get damned close to. And if Paddy talks the talk again about how much we really want it, he can walk the walk, all the way to the airport...He's starting to wind me up. How about Senderos as apprentice skipper next season?

More mindless observations to come during another boring summer...

Aaah, the huge 'For Rent' sign stuck up yesterday kind of confirms that corridor-land is moving on to greener pastures. Nice, shiny offices await but you don't want to hear about that...Quite who would be willing to rent this shit-hole is beyond me, what with it's recent metamorphosis into a full-on building site. Just a shame it didn't happen 3-4 years ago, because I might have actually cared then...

Arsene looks like he's booked a job for life, which is kinda nice. He has transformed the team since his arrival, without a doubt, and deserves some kind of future role at the club. Seems far-fetched at the moment, but will there ever come a day when we'll actually want him to go?

Third time in four years...

OK, so yesterday's Cup Final wasn't the classic that we were all hoping for, but the game did have its moments. Rooney was hot the entire game and I was sure he was going to hit a beauty into the roof of Lehmann's net every time he got the ball, the stocky little bastard. Thank Christ Jens put in a great performance, he was the only Arsenal player who really shone. Manure totally outplayed us, as can be seen from the game stats, but it ain't never over until it's over...

The first final to ever to go to penalties, so the record-breakers that are Arsenal continue setting records, of sorts...it's a cruel way to end a game, but probably better than starting all over again in a replay. Scholes is probably feeling a little sore after having his penalty saved, but who cares??

Best moments of all:

Ljunberg's reflex header off the line, unbelievable...

AND seeing Fergie wince the moment he knew we'd won the Cup. Time to retire mate...

The steaks are in the freezer, the kebabs and drumsticks raring to go. K, A, S, R, M, I, R, L, L, and O are ironing their Sunday bests and starving themselves in anticipation of a food fest. Pity they don't know it's one kebab per person and half a drumstick per couple. The beers will be a-plenty though...

Come on you GOOOONERS!!!!

...that's my new password. My computer in corridor land died yesterday, so the hard disk has been replaced and all my files backed up into a corner. And, in true Cup Final spirit, the password has been updated to reflect one of the finest moments in Cup Final history, when Alan Sunderland snuck in at the far post to bring Arsenal some glory. I quite fancy more of the same this year, but with JA Reyes doing the honours.

And if you're in a shopping centre somewhere in Liverpool in the next few weeks, watch out for the blinding English delivered your way by some Israeli youngsters pushing sales of Dead Sea mineral packs...I be fixing their old pitch to passing potential customers - oh yeah, it sure needs fixing as it was written by a local. If you're tempted to buy, just act like you're not interested and it's too expensive and they'll be quick to knock down the price, trust me, I've seen the pitch...somebody is coining it, believe me...

OK, so Thierry is out of the Cup Final, after unselfishly declaring that he's not fit enough. Bit of a blow, but I'm actually not that worried, especially after the last few games without him (re: 7-0 against Everton, well, at least the first half). Let's reshuffle that frontline a little...it also gives a chance for some of the others to shine and prove their worth, especially Reyes and Van Persie. With Reyes still looking a bit doubtful, could it be an all Dutch frontline (Dennis and VP)? My only issue is I think that Van Persie is still a liability in hi-tension situations, and I can see Keane and co landing a few late tackles to wind him up. Ten men against Manure, and minus Henry, won't be a picnic. So, let's hope it's Dennis and Jose to start.

My Cup Final turf has been laid and is looking all green and shiny. I recommend buying some shares in the national water company, what with all the water I'm lashing down on it...

6 days and counting...

The new BBQ grill has been set up, while the BBQ corner itself is a 'work in progress' but is almost there. The new turf is on its way on Tuesday morning, we'll probably have to turn on the sprinklers in time for the big match on Saturday. Beers have been purchased, a whole crate's worth. I can already feel the tension building up, but am feeling mighty confident, especially with the mess that has enveloped Manure the last few days...

I've already picked my Cup Final team, Arsene, so please take note:
Lehmann, Lauren, Senderos, Toure, Cole, Pires, Vieira, Edu, Fabregas, Henry, Van Persie.
Subs: Campbell, Ljunberg, Bergkamp, Reyes, Taylor.

Pure class. Arsenal destroyed Everton last night 7-0, one of the most sublime performances I've witnessed. Just a shame it came in the last home match of the season, and not immediately after the loss to Manure in October. The match was enjoyed at R and S's place, who were doing a little BBQ-ing to celebrate the eve of Israel's Independence Day, and fortunately R didn't need much convincing to order the game on Pay For View. He's probably getting it in the neck as we speak but I owe him one.

The accompanying steak was a little pink, but this was a red and white performance to savour, for more reasons than one. I was impressed by everyone playing, it was just one of those nights when everything gelled. Great to see Thierry make it back as well, looks like he'll be back in time for Manure next Saturday. Not that they really missed him these last few games, eh?

As for Dennis, I really believe he deserves a new contract, especially after last night's performance, but I have a feeling Arsene isn't going to offer him one. Wouldn't he have just revealed his thoughts last night if they had been positive for Dennis? Surely if a contract was on the table he would have said something like (avec French professor-like accent): "You can see why I want Dennis to play on for another year..." Is it me, or did Dennis look a little sad at the final whistle, almost like he knew this was his final moment in an Arsenal shirt? Perhaps he's already aware of the decision? The fans were shouting "One more year" but is it going to happen?

Sad times...

Tonight sees the last ever League game at Highbury with the lads adorned in the famous red and white. Historic moment. Next season, the last at Highbury, sees this new shirt, which I've mentioned before. Might just have to pay my respects and order the match on the ol' Pay For View.

And continuing in the paying respects department, Israel is in mourning mode at the moment with the sirens wailing some minutes ago to bring the country to a respectful standstill. Today it's Memorial Day for the soldiers that have fallen in Israel's short history. Then tomorrow, in a total reversal, it's time to celebrate Israel's Independence Day, a national holiday. I've already been threatened with some spray snow (you know, that stuff that streaks out in strings of foam) by one of my English students, so I'm going to get the hosepipe out and batten down the hatches. I'm barricading myself in and no fucker is going to get past the front door...the dog hasn't been fed for 3 days and is the first line of defence...